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09/08/2001 Entry: "Christianity"

I felt the urge to discuss what I see as christianity. I don't know. It's something that has been on my mind lately.
Firstly, I am christian. I am Non-Catholic. I feel that how the catholic church has influenced most of society is unethical.
I have Lutheran tendencies, but cannot call myself a true Lutheran. I cannot even call myself a true Christian, really. I believe that Jesus shows me what I can choose in life, that through Him and the grace of God, I am saved. That is only the bottom line in which I believe. It goes deeper...

First, mind what you read. It might not make sense.
Okay, so through Jesus Christ and the grace of God, I am saved. I am a sinner. I have sinned before I was born. Jesus Christ assures me that God loves me, and loves my brethern. But, I still see the importance of helping myself to heaven, instead of being granted it. I find heaven in myself. I find it in what I do every day. I help people, I laugh with people, I cry for people. I feel sorrow for others, and I share happiness with friends. I life through life, not telling people what they should do, or how they should do it, but focused on my goal. My goal is to feel complete. To feel complete is to enjoy a heaven within myself. A paradise which I created, and no one has been willing to ask if I would share with them.
They have no interest, because they follow their own path. We have the same destination, but not the same designation. I think it is this difference which makes me ... feel left out. Others have had an earlier chance at their goals, and without joining them, I am left behind. But, how can I join them if I am too busy wondering if it is the right way? At my age, I want to be assured that no harm will come of me, by following blindly. This is why concentrating on the path is important at a young age -- the young are not too sure of themselves, and find strength in those older and wiser.
I don't know if I'm really sure of myself now...