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10/30/2001 Entry: "Our Last Evening"

So, Valerie heard from Guelph, Ontario monday that she is to be admitted on Wednesday. This will be a two-to-four month stay, and ... I am going to miss her to no end. Last night, we spent our last full evening together. It was.. quite interesting, and we also went to GreenHill to look at the city lights.

I know that Val will not be gone forever, or not even a year. Just two - to - four months. She is going to miss so many people, and this is a new thing for her, generally. I... I will miss her to no end, but I find it difficult to cry. Something is blocking me. My obligation as her boyfriend? My obligation as the person who shall remain strong for her, when she feels... what? What does she feel? Anxious is the obvious one. Anyone would. Does she feel bulnerable? Scared? Alone? So, is it God's Will that I shall be strong for her, that I cannot cry about the situation? I know that I would otherwise... but I cannot.

Music by Blue Rodeo is haunting me today. Everywhere that has music... Blue Rodeo is playing. *sigh*