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12/29/2002 Entry: "Working for Peanuts"

I hear techies work for peanuts when they're laid off. Sorta like me. I am, however, working at Island Ink-Jet. That's working out well for me. I have hope yet!
Val index medium-low but steady.
I was talking to someone insightful today, click on more to view the conversation.

me:
i have only one deep question , then it's light conversation only for me
me:
okay, thanks for listening
someone else:
np whats up
me:
is it worth hiding one's own problems, because other people don't want ot hear about it or maybe it's hard for them to hear about it
me:
maybe it makes you look like your whining or struggling or ... just plain makes you look unattractive
me:
so ... hide it, or only offer that information ONLY if other peopl eask
me:
not so much suppress it
me:
just not announce it "i'm having a SHITTY day and here's why, and you listen to me until i'm done." type of deal.
me:
i think i am acting like the latter, and should think about acting like the former
someone else:
well you dont want to bother people. you could always say im having a shity day and need someone to talk to. are you available instead of just assuming
someone else:
i know alot of people dont open up cause they are to scared and have been growing up holding everything in
someone else:
most people are willing to listen though
me:
but once you receive freedom from bondage in that area...
me:
you find out sometimes people dn't want to hear you, or can't stand to hear you.
me:
like, you always looked like you were doing fine
me:
but then they hear that you are reallya very vunerable person
me:
you, not as in YOU you, but as in a generalization
someone else:
well i wasnt ready to open up to you cause i bearly knew ya
someone else:
oh
someone else:
lol
me:
but at the same time...
me:
now we talk about YOU you briefly
me:
just as an example
me:
you don't tell me every time you are struggling with something, or you don't tell me every time you have a feeling towards ME that you just can't understand or is bad or you think i'm a dork... you don't tell me these things
me:
i am not complaining
me:
but is it because:
me:
you think you should wait for me to ask
me:
or you don't want to disclose that info unless necessary
me:
or that you just dont' feel comfortable telling me stuff like that
someone else:
no
me:
dont' feel under pressure
me:
just using an example
someone else:
its more that some inside may feel that but not others
me:
well i'm thinking that all your insiders are individuals themselves
me:
i.e. Becca (rebecca??) doesn't like me one bit... lol nor TrEnT
me:
but Erica... you? you like me
me:
haha, well not so much that, but you trust me somewhat
someone else:
also with the whole not sharing all my feelings and with others. some people have a small group who they share there problems with and everyone is to hang out with
me:
if you were dating someone or you were REALLY interested in someone
me:
if you TRUSTED THeM with such info
me:
would you share it.. or woudl you wait for them to ask
me:
sorta like a need-to-know deal
me:
not lay everythign on the table
me:
just deal with things AS THeY COME UP
me:
anyway the point is
me:
i think i share too much about myself
me:
and it's ruining my image
me:
that people think of me
me:
sometimes im happy and it seems like i'm free from everything
me:
sometimes i'm really down and people think, "but they were happy a few days ago."
me:
anyway, sometimes it's nice to just write it all out
someone else:
ya i understand
me:
you can think it
me:
but it's not hte same as writing it out
someone else:
everyone has there ups and downs
me:
nor is it the same as talking in person
me:
but hwo do YOu deal with people who don't like UPS and DOWNS
someone else:
you mean how do i deal with people when im up and down at different times?
me:
well how do you deal with their attitude towards the ups and downs
me:
you want them to know that you're not ALWAYS up and down
me:
or that a single UPS inspired by them, are worth any old DOWN in your life
me:
or is it just worth knowing that they can have their own opinion
someone else:
well for us its easy cause someone else can always come out
me:
and you don't have to care really
me:
because they should accept you for who you are
someone else:
if there mad your down to much just say sorry ive had a bad day...i dont know
someone else:
true but not everyone does and you cant expect everyone to
me:
how do you deal with people who DON'T expect you to be up all the time?
me:
haha, these questions are complicated. I'm opting to close the conversation here.
someone else:
then im not up all the time. i act how i feel.
someone else:
but to a limit
me:
well you don't want to bring everyone around you down with you ...
me:
just for the purpose of bringing them down.
me:
that's best avoided i suppose.
someone else:
right
me:
otherwise... there's a time for sharing and a time for not
me:
i suppose
someone else:
but like today i spent an hour crying at [name withheld] but i wouldnt do that many other places
someone else:
right
someone else:
i mean you have to know too that the other person wont have a break down from your problems too lol
me:
yeah..
me:
i think the answer is, if you're not sure, wait on the Lord and He'll reveal if it's safe to share or not
someone else:
amen
me:
just gotta remember that all the time
me:
that He's my strength in all instances
me:
not just when I choose.
me:
He's not a habit, he's a lifestyle
someone else:
exactly