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11/30/2004 Entry: ""Don't love me so much; we may never get together""

Things lately are good. I've learned more and more about Quixtar, and how it can empower me in self-employement.

But, then there's the story of Crystal...

Last time she stayed at my place (about two weeks ago), we had this converstation, which was a variation-in-theme of a conversation months and months ago, which, although not exact, said: "I don't want to get too deep here, I'm not commiting to anything here, I don't want to have to say, 'I don't love you.' when you tell me that you do."

And now, I know why Crystal said that.

There's this guy. Crystal met him about a month and a half ago. He's been kind enough to bring Crystal to Dauphin before Christmas, to see the family. I reckon, he's driving, so he's going to be there. That is SOLID ... that is the way a relationship starts. And I'm not in it.

So... all the investment I put in, which, quite frankly, Crystal warned me about putting in... it's tough to pull out that investment, right? It's like ripping apart two hearts molded together...

No, i'm not OUT of love with Crystal... but I cannot get too ahead of myself (i've said that before, didn't i?), else I'm setting myself up for a MAJOR crash, if Crystal and her guy-friend are hooking up. It's not to say that they are for sure.. but what if they do? I want to be in a position where i'm super happy for Crystal, that she found a nice guy, a guy she deserves, a guy who treats her right...

... It's just tough, if i'm not that guy.

But, I got to talk to Camille about it. Funny, how that timing works. Right after call from Crystal, Camille called, and we had a good talk. PTL.

Camille, is married. She's a good friend, and understands all the emotions from being lonely and left for pregnant, all the way to the relationship she has now. I look up to her.

So, I conversed with Camille, time to converse with God.